guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
