butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
