I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
