There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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