I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
