Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
