Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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