You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
