I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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