It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
