Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize