His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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