Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
