The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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