I think I died a long time ago.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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