can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
