When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
