he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need a beard to bite.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
