apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
