I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
