I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
