I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
