We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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