One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
