playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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