went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
