I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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