this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Vodka?
Forever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
