If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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