now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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