So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
