I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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