i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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