he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
