If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize