I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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