"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize