No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
