I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
