Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
