True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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