I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
