i may or may not be watching the land before time
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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