he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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