Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
