OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
