Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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