i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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