for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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