Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
