Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
