remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
