He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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