Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize