Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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