..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
