I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
