I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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