omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
