I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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