what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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