I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
