with your own penis?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
