if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
