super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
