"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
