I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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