when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this just has baby written all over it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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