I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
