hell yes lets make some ravioli
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
