i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my moral compass just broke
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