youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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