When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
