Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
