We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
