Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Two words: nipple clamps
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