I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
