Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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