its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
