I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
