Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pants are for mortals
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
