i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
