There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
