Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
