my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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