fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
