dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
