Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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