i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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