some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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