Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
God, you're like boner-b-gone
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
