I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
