note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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