Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
