Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
