you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
