I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
