Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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