i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
