Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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